The Mental Health Benefits of Community
Mind Set | written by: ELISABETH DREW, Board Member, the Darien Community Association photo by: BAMBI RIEGEL | riegelpictureworks.com
Darien’s Tiere Hessert (left), emcee of a DCA Book Talk earlier this year, with Neha Ruch (right), author of The Power Pause, and the 150 attendees who came together for the event.
IN THE PROCESS of enduring another long New England winter this past year, where temperatures dipped into the single digits, the sun seemed to set before any sort of afternoon even began and no amount of layering warmed me, I found myself, for the first time in 13 years here, admitting how truly difficult it can be “to winter.” The recognition and subsequent admission of how winter affects my own mental health allowed me to finally come to a solution—something that can help any time of year but particularly during the cold, and often lonely, months: community.
On a frigid Friday morning this past January, I cozied up into the rooms of the Darien Community Association’s newly renovated library with a group of women of all ages to discuss a recent book we had read: Wintering: The Power of Rest and Retreat in Difficult Times. The book discussion was nice. The room was lovely. The toasty coffee helped. But, above all, the being with others was the salve that warmed my soul that day. I knew only two women in the room prior to our meetup, but within 20 minutes of conversation, an interconnectedness and oneness crept into the room. Conversations ranged from motherhood and working, to traveling on foot. We talked about struggles, life experiences: in short, we connected.
Let me be clear: I am, in no way, short on human interconnectedness at this point in my life. I am a mother to three middle and elementary school children; I am deeply involved in the lives of my friends and family; I am a proud homemaker. But, finding and deepening my sense of community this past year has done wonders for my mental well-being and satisfaction in life.
In his book, The Great Good Place, sociologist Ray Oldenburg first introduced the world to the idea of the “third place,” emphasizing that people need engagement in three “realms”—at home, at work and in their “third place,” that place you visit outside your typical home or work environment. Oldenburg refers to these “third places” as “societal glue.”
Since joining the Darien Community Association (DCA) at the urging of a friend, despite some hesitancy due to my own busyness and ignorance of what happens there, it has become my “third place.” What I have found in my time at the DCA is a deep desire to connect and engage civically for reasons beyond self-service. Yes, it does me well to be amongst people who care, people who engage intellectually, people who are seeking more. But, beyond what it does for me, the idea of community and the sense of belonging it provides is more about reciprocity and gratitude—foundational underpinnings for mental well-being.
At the DCA, I’ve seen local moms and friends offer their insight and own expertise in areas such as psychology, nutrition, literature, body movement and breath, botany and sustainability. This astounds me. These are busy mothers, some with full-time jobs, offering their precious time. Why? Solely to engage and contribute to community, to give back, to extend gratitude to the universe.
In her new book The Serviceberry: Abundance and Reciprocity in the Natural World, Robin Kimmerer highlights the serviceberry tree—also known as the sugar plum—and its relationship with the natural world as an analogy for the greater world of reciprocity, interconnectedness and gratitude. The serviceberry tree offers its sweet berries to its community and, in turn, the distribution of the serviceberry survives because of that community. Kimmerer writes, “Serviceberries show us another model, one based on reciprocity, where wealth comes from the quality of your relationships, not from the illusion of self-sufficiency.” This hit home for me as it relates to my time and the time of others at the DCA and in the broader Darien community. Sure, we can all survive on our own here. We have warm homes, food on the table, fantastic schools, the beauty of the beaches and Great Island, to say the very least. But, beyond that, we have a truly beautiful, engaged and grateful community that recognizes the wealth of the inherent goodness of each other.
In his time as Surgeon General, Dr. Vivek Murthy said he witnessed a sharp decline in community and identified the many negative effects this decline has had on America’s mental and physical well-being. His resulting call to us is one of profound depth: “The choice we make to build community has the power to change lives and transform society.”
Places like the DCA in Darien put that choice at our fingertips. How fortunate we are!
In addition to her position as a DCA Board Member, Elisabeth Drew currently serves as Chair of the Nominating Committee for the Hindley PTO and is an active stay-at-home mother of three who attend Darien Public Schools. She received her BA in English from Georgetown University and her MA from New York University, where she studied media’s role and impact on young women in the U.S.
